"OH, MY WORD!" gasps Mrs. Belva Standish, who's seated on the genuine porcelain Standish commode, moving her bowels. Into her antique ivory telephone, she cries, "Who was that vulgar little shrike?"

She farts one time, demurely.

THE LIMO manages to get out of sight of the cops just long enough for Raleigh to bale sluggishly out, hanging onto his cell phone like a boozer falling downstairs with a cocktail. He lands in some bushes and struggles through them, looking a bit like Jane Goodall cruising for monkeys.

Searching for a place to hide, Raleigh pulls some branches aside, peeks his face out, and finds himself in front of the Better Business Bureau, whose marquee reads:

MERCHANT OF THE MONTH
AWARD BANQUET TODAY

He considers the public library next door and mutters, "I guess I could flip a coin."