FLYING CARPET
Bestowed and Endorsed by Kerry Thornley

Operating Instructions for your
Discordian All-Purpose Carpet

Prayer Rug Mode: Mount the rug and enumerate all the merchandise you want for as long as you can stand on one foot; if the requested cargo is not what you really need, Goddess will make appropriate substitutions.

Flying Carpet Mode: Hurl the carpet just as you would throw a frisbee -- only not at somebody -- and it will actually fly through the air!

Ninja Weapon Mode: Hurl the carpet just as you would throw a frisbee -- at somebody this time -- and with any luck, one of the corners will hit them in the eye.

Elfin Doormat Mode: If you come upon an elf hut when wandering in the wilderness, place the carpet in front of the door so the elves won't track mud into their house; nothing offends Eris Discordia more than an elf shack with dirty floors.

Exotic Wall Hanging Mode: Hang the carpet on a nail, through the hole in the corner, on your wall; your friends will gaze in wonder (wondering why it is there).

Additional Purpose Modes: Your Discordian Magic Carpet has many more useful functions, and if you figure out what any of them are, write at once.

Other Fine Discordian Artifacts

Before test flying your Discordian Prayer Rug and Flying Carpet and Ninja Weapon and Elfin Doormat and Exotic Wall Hanging Combined, you will no doubt want to hurry and rush order at once our other fine and sacred artifacts, such as:

The Genuine Paper Discordian Prayer Cloth: This 11"x17" glistening ivory white photocopy paper prayer cloth is decorated in brilliant black and gray with an elaborate meander of Erisian Holy Symbols and, for safety reasons, those of may other religions as well, and can truthfully be said to symbolize many, many things. Symbolic of your faith in us. Only Five (4) dollars ($).

High Tom the Cat Furniture Spray will imbue your sofa with an aroma guaranteed to keep organisms out of your living room. Only $5.55.

Van Van Mojo Luck Plane Lubrication Oil: Grease your wheel of fortune with our bona fide Oil of Plumber Snake and your luck will always be good, no matter how bad it may seem to you. Auspicious. $5.05.

Stop Law and Order Floor Wash: Mop with this stuff and then cover your floors with a layer of beebees or steel ball bearings and if any cops enter your home, they will fall on their ass. Great fun. $5. (Beebees not included).

Fast Money Backside Insertion Candle: A birthday candle Scotch-taped to an index card upon which are neatly scrawled five well-chosen words about what you can do with it. Fast money for us. $55.