Our order, of which I am co-founder, is called the Discordian Society, and the entirely True Teachings thereof are called PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA (published in 1965 by D.A. Garrison & Sonofagun, in 1969 by Hill-Ravenhurst, circa 1980 (give or take 5 years) by Loompanics, in 1991 by IllumiNet, in 1993 by Steve Jackson and Goddess- only- knows- when- because- I- can't- afford- to- look by some guy in New York who wants $250 a copy. (Can you believe that? If not, check BOOKS IN PRINT, blessed by you - and more blessed be they who believe without checking.)

Whereas the Discordian Society was founded in 1958, it was never really losted, because the Erisian religion of disorder of which it is an order has been around since the generation of Malaclypse the Elder, who taught lamp maintenance, stone rolling and public masturbation to the philosopher Diogenes. I think you will agree, now: that's pretty damn old. If you think I'm exaggerating, consider how old some of our jokes are.

Therefore, it is my sad duty to inform you that the words "Olympic" and "Games" are the exclusive property of our religion, and cannot be used by anyone without our permission - which until now we granted, but Eris has instructed us to withdraw that permission as of May 5th of Last Year.

We didn't know why at first, but sooner or later She explains everything sometimes. All the Goddesses and Gods of Olympus (that word also belongs to us), from Hera and Zeus down to Ari and Christina, elected Our Lady of Perpetual Discord (because She is best qualified for the job) to cause you exactly as much grief as you are causing the poor people of Atlanta - until you put aside your blasphemous ways and change your name to something else (like the Atlanta Braves, since they aren't using it).

Five is our most sacred number, and we note also that one of your symbols is a star with FIVE (5) points. (Five Points and Little Five Points also belong to us - two of five points to which I'll return some day). As for the letter A, it is the universal age-old symbol for Anarchy - which is often confused with Confusion and Disorder, and is thereby our property as well. (Don't bother to switch to the Eye in the Pyramid, because that one is owned by Steve Jackson.)

Already the Greek Divinities are assembled incognito somewhere in Atlanta at a location to be revealed, but not just yet. Eris (who was Discordia to the Romans and is Greek to us) is in Little Five Points disguised as a runaway teenage girl. To those of you who are Christian infidels, our Divinities outnumber your Divinity - all Three of Him. So don't try to resist. All the money you are going to make off this thing will not save you, for Gods and Goddesses can only be bribed with flattery. (For example in Bullfinch where it tells about how the Trojan War got started by five Goddesses vying for the praise of a shepherd.) And They do not find it flattering that you are ripping off so many of us with your crash gentrification, neighborhood sterilization and crime commercialization IN THEIR NAMES. They are pissed. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and Eris is, if nothing else, a Scorned Woman. (See Bullfinch and below.) Add to that what they called the old WRATH OF THE GODS and you've got: MIGHTY PISSED.

Last night a 50-foot tall Eris Discordia came to me in a Vision and spake: "Find out if that asshole in the yogurt stand in Little Five Points is a cog for ACOG, and whether he is or not, get his mean and silly ass out of my hood. Hell, I was just minding my own business, waiting by the pay phone in the Texaco for Athena to return a beeper call from Athens, Georgia, when that creep in the red apron ordered me off his property. ORDERED me. You got that. I HATE ORDER!" Besides that, he called her a low-life sponge-diving scum. (He could tell by looking at Her that she was Greek, but he couldn't tell by looking at Her that she was Goddess.)

"And then," the 50-foot Eris went on, "that father-in-law of his came out of the Texaco, got in his car and was trying to run me over, yelling the whole time, 'GET OUT OF MY COUNTRY! GET OUT OF MY COUNTRY!' Now what the hell is that supposed to mean?" We don't know either.

But with all the Gods and Goddesses from Olympus (registered trademark) on our side - not to mention innovative imagination, psychedelic sabotage and scathing sarcasm - it isn't us Oracles and Scribes of Eris Discordia who need to worry. From any perspective Confusion is BOUND to reign soon.

Hail Eris! All Hail Discordia!

Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst, Chairman
Fair-Play for Switzerland Committee

"Dada is not dead.
Watch your overcoat!"

- Artaud